There are days when I hate being a woman.

Some of you will remember this post, wherein I ranted and raved about the state of large women's fashions these days.

Well, stand back, because I'm ready to let loose again. Consider this Chapter Two.

(If you're a guy, be forewarned--there will be talk of "panties" and "bras.")

So my collective bosses gave me a gift certificate for the mall down the road from our office. I'm not a big mall person, but over the last few days I've realized that it was time to give it up and go buy some underwear. My drawers had holes on top of holes, and it's definitely time--it's been several years since I've bought any new ones.

So at lunch today my friend S and I went to the mall to the popular "large women's store," which I will not name because I don't want a letter from some attorney. But just think about any large mall, and there's probably one of these stores there.

The store was having an underwear sale--buy 3 panties and get 3 free, or buy 2 bras and get 2 free--basically everything was half price. I figured I could use my gift certificate and still have some money left to spent across the aisle at Bath and Body Works (which is a whole other rant, but I won't go there today).

Boy, was I wrong.

All I wanted was plain, cotton underwear--you know, everyday stuff. I have plenty of fancy things that I don't wear much anymore because comfort rules over fashion, and besides, no one sees them but me, so what's the point?

S wanted some bras and thought she'd get some undies, too, so we decided to share the special--we'd both get what we needed and then we'd each pay for half.

I needed panties and a couple of bras, so I paid for most of the panties--12 pair (remember, buy 3, get 3 free), and S bought 6 panties and 4 bras (buy 2, get 2 free). Other than 2 pair of "novelty" cotton panties and 1 print cotton panty, everything was plain--nothing fancy or lacy, just plain cotton. The bras were plain, basic bras--no lace, etc.

My 12 panties, had I paid regular price for them (remember--cotton and nothing fancy)--total before-sale cost--

$158.50.

Even after the sale, my final cost was $90.49.

S paid a little over $93.00 for six panties and four bras--I'm guessing her before-sale price was around $185. The two plain bras she bought for me would have cost over $50 at regular price.

That means that 18 plain cotton panties and 4 sateen bras normally cost almost $350.

Do they just not GET IT? How the hell can you be a middle-class person these days and afford anything? With the costs for haircare, makeup, underwear, clothing, and shoes these days, a woman could be dressed in jeans and a t-shirt and still have spent $500 on her appearance--and that's just casual wear!

This particular store used to have pretty fair women's clothing, but now the only thing I ever buy there is underwear and jeans--everything else is a piece of crap that costs least 90% more than it's worth. I remember 20 years ago being able to walk into this store and drop $350 dollars and walk out with two or three shopping bags full of nice clothes, jeans, underwear, and pantyhose. Obviously those days are long gone.

The only reason this store can get away with charging $16.50 for a pair of cotton panties is because they're pretty much the only retailer I know that carries beautiful, fashionable, sexy underwear and lingerie for large-sized women. And who doesn't want to wear more than just plain old tidy-whities every once in a while? But $158 for plain, cotton, everyday underwear? Come on!

Oh, and a warning--I guess their designers have decided that all large women need at least three-quarters of an inch of padding in their bras regardless of their bust size. Some of their bras were so large and "molded" that you could wear one of the cups as an army helmet. They looked like something designed by the Department of Homeland Security as a safety device.

So I spent my entire gift card plus money of my own for panties and bras. I hope my bosses don't ask what I bought (hee).

I guess the next time I need underwear, I'll need a cosigner and collateral.